Full-time and extended RV travel ALWAYS involves unique emotional challenges! Are you (and your travel partner) up to them?
Most can certainly be overcome but, if you're contemplating an RV lifestyle, you should know what to expect - It will not be all fun and games! By knowing what to anticipate and how others have dealt with similar situations, at least you might recognize your concerns and fears as normal.
I thought I was prepared for this adjustment. For me it is more about the isolation of not having family and friends around for months on end. Since we are usually on the move whether every few days or a week at a time, we are not able to get involved in activities that may be available at some of the parks. This also eliminates developing any kind of friendships with others. More information and books are now available for retirees to read about changes that come when couples retire and how it can impact their daily routines together. However, the information is geared towards staying in either your home or same city. Usually there is still some support system or family already in place. The adjustment becomes more about redefining many of the roles and purposes of one's life from a family and career focus to new found purposes and choices. The RV lifestyle brings so many, many changes for both people but I have not been able to find any information specifically for RVers. For example, I always had my own emotional and physical space prior to this new adventure. Now, I find I have neither. ~Janet |
Janet's letter brings to light what, I'm sure, is a common problem not many RVers talk about openly - even amongst each other.
While there are special blogs, web sites, clubs, and forums dedicated to solo RVing, travel with children, full-timing, boondocking, working on the road, and many unique RV travel situations, I agree that there is very little available about coping with the hardships that extended RV travel puts on individuals and on relationships.
With this page, I hope to begin a dialogue about these unique emotional challenges. It's my hope that it will include input from other RVers who feel the same way. At the bottom of this page, I invite you to send in your own thoughts and experiences.
RVers who simply move from a winter home in the north to a southern home in an RV park are simply moving from one home to another. While friends and family will be missed, new friendships and communities will gradually take root in the RV park. And those using their RV for a two or three-week long vacation, before returning to their "normal" life are also not likely to experience the special emotional challenges mentioned above.
The intent of this page is to address the unique relationship demands of life "on the move." Here I hope to share what I see as some of the unique emotional challenges faced by those living the nomadic life.
Randy and I get along with each other fine – most of the time. But our RVing has a way of testing us. Of all our arguments, some of the most memorable occurred on our extended RV trips and, yes, there were some doozies. Later, we seldom recall what we were fighting about but we always remember exactly where we were at the time.
When people ask how we can possibly live in such a small space, twenty-four-seven for months at a time, our pat answer is, “We don’t live in our RV, we only sleep, wash up, and prepare meals there. But you should see the size of our living and dining rooms!” The truth is, getting along, while spending that much time together isn't always easy and the one thing most outsiders cannot even imagine.
It's rare to find a couple where one half isn't keener on the idea of long-term travel than the other. But no surprise there! It seems to me that, often, the longer a couple is together, the less stuff they actually agree on. We've all met the Bickersons - openly at odds. If one says black the other insists on white. And I'm sure you'll also recognize the Timebombs - without confronting each other, each partner builds a big pile of resentment inside until one day - kaboom!
Of course, emotional challenges as they relate to couple issues aren't unique to RV living. While it's true that a new adventurous lifestyle can rekindle the flames and bond couples closer together, any marriage that's already on the rocks is not likely to survive in the close quarters of RV living.
Randy and I have traveled on extended trips together since 2000, anywhere from three to twelve months at a time, in a nineteen-foot Roadtrek camper van. Through trial and error, we've learned a few tricks - or as we call it, "emotional protection" - to preserve our personal space and emotional well-being.
Whether traveling alone, as a couple, or with children, most seasoned RVers will agree that this lifestyle is not for the fainthearted or those easily discouraged. While there seems to be plenty of practical and technical RVing advice available, not much has been written about the emotional challenges - aspects which, left unaddressed, might be one of the biggest factors in determining whether you’ll be able to handle (and enjoy) this way of life. Knowing what to expect and having some idea of how to ease or avoid situations and deal with your feelings, could alleviate some common fears.
Being removed from loved ones for long periods is difficult to imagine. But with email, texts, social media and phone calls, being far away doesn’t mean you have to be out-of-touch. Since our grandchildren arrived, I wouldn't travel without a data plan that will let me facetime with them regularly. If we're trying to conserve data, we save longer chats for whenever we have a free Wi-Fi connection.
Another good fix for the “Missing Your Loved Ones Blues” is inviting them to join you for a week in a sunny, fun location. Many full-timers report that, although they don’t see family as often, their visits are now longer and more memorable. Living in your RV, it’s usually not a big deal to visit family, parking either at thier homes or a nearby RV park, and stay for days or weeks at a time because you maintain your own separate space, are self-sufficient, and not under-foot the same way.
You will be missing a lot of birthdays and regular family get-togethers. We don't consider this to be one of the major emotional challenges because these events roll around annually and there will likely be future opportunities to attend. We do try very hard to plan our travels to be back for bigger one-time events such as a family wedding or the birth of a grandchild. Luckily, these events are scheduled well in advance, making our lives easier. Sickness or a death in the family cannot be planned for and could interrupt any trip, even a one-week vacation, so there's no sense letting fears of missing them keep us home.
For some, this emotional challenge is almost as stressful as selling everything and going full time. You’ll learn to relax as time goes by but, to minimize those worries, especially on your first trip, consider arranging for a house sitter or, at least, have someone check on the house and report to you regularly.
Full timers, of course, have the biggest emotional challenges with huge adjustments to make, often leaving behind a home, job, community, family, and friends, all at once. Such a large transition needs to be made with eyes wide open. Even then, you can eliminate some of the fear by committing to it in stages. You might ask for a sabbatical from your job rather than quit or retire. Some choose to rent out their house and keep their “stuff” in storage for at least the first year. Having this “insurance policy” and permission to change your mind and go back to your old life can make it less scary.
A big challenge of the transient lifestyle is having to make new friends constantly. And, just when you’ve established a good bond, it’s time for one of you to move on. It’s like changing schools as a kid, leaving all your friends behind, every few weeks. On the positive side, you'll have more time for new relationships and are sure to meet more interesting people from all walks of life.
RVers are a very friendly breed and will welcome you at happy hour or around the campfire; no matter what size rig you drive. Every RVer is in the same boat and looking for some company along the way so it’s never difficult to befriend fellow travelers. Expect lots of one-night-stands, however, and, although you’ve exchanged phone numbers and addresses, don’t be offended if you lose contact – we all meet so many people, we can’t stay in touch with them all. Even if you never correspond but run into each other again years later, you’ll probably be greeted like a long lost best friend – it’s just the RVers’ way.
Another thing to consider: once you feel comfortable with your new friendship, who better to discuss the special emotional challenges of your lifestyle with, than someone following a similar path?
To meet new people with common interests that you can connect with for longer, consider making friends on-line. Join forums to discuss almost any topic dear to your heart. Those who post regularly soon get to know each other and carry on a very real, albeit “cyber” relationship.
Solo RVers might anticipate lonelinessas will be one of the biggest emotional challenges but, on the one trip where I travelled without Randy, I found I actually met more new people than when we travel together. I'm not blaming Randy, in fact quite the opposite. He's the one with the outgoing personality. I think I just tend to be more reclusive and get lazy about making new friends when he's around.
As a single traveler, I tried to start conversations wherever I went. Even the simplest comment or question often led to an interesting conversation. If you're hoping to meet a potential travel partner, don't be afraid to introduce yourself to couples - every couple is bound to have some single friends and, given the chance, might just love to introduce you to each other.
How can you be bored when every day is a new adventure? To keep things interesting, we try to change the pace. Hiking every day, even through spectacular scenery, can become tiring. After a month in the desert we long for some trees. After weeks in nature we need to hang out in a city or town before we can see and appreciate things through new eyes again. Luckily, when you live on wheels, it’s pretty easy to move on down the road just a few hundred miles to experience a totally different landscape.
For RVing “newbies,” my best advice is to test the waters slowly – take several shorter trips before committing to long-term travel.
Having said that, when Randy and I started RVing, we dove in with virtually no knowledge, no plan, and no "emotional protection". We bought our first RV and, after only two short two-week vacations with the RV, quit jobs, packed everything into storage, and headed bravely and blindly out for a full year on the road. Not only were we inexperienced and naive, but we had not even lived together until that trip. We certainly faced our share of relationship and emotional challenges and it's a wonder we made it past the first two months on the road. Then again, maybe, it provided us with the ultimate relationship test. If we could make it through the emotional challenges of twelve consecutive months on the road, we might just be able to make it through almost anything. So far, (in 2020 - twenty years later) it has proved true.
How About You?
Please share your own experiences and emotional challenges here. You don't need to reveal your real name or identity to contribute. You can read contributions from other RVers below.
This is the place to share your experience and stories about emotional challenges you've faced or witnessed while living on the road. It's also the place to ask questions and seek support and advice from others. These issues can be sensitive - if you prefer, use a nickname.
Click below to see contributions from other visitors to this page...
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2012--The Year for New Adventures and Change.
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Marianne's Newsletter
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Good Grief
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The Disease of Homesickness!
I am so grateful that I found this site, I was beginning to think I had totally lost my bearings.
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Moving Out
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RVing is Full of Wake-up Calls
My wife and I are new to RVing this year, and our longest trip was 10 weeks, mostly AZ and NM. Planning longer ones in 2011. Examples of wake-up calls …
Moving Day
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Seven Years On The Road
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Really good advice
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Fantastic Topic
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Very Happy You've Begun this Conversation!
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